M is for Magic Missile

If I ran a game store I would play the song M is for Magic Missile by Mary Crowell.

If there was a Schoolhouse Rock! crossover with Dungeons and Dragons, this song is what I imagine it would sound like. It's an A, B, Cs song sung at an adult level and with all of the letters corresponding to arcane spells in D&D. Mary Crowell plays her piano and belts out the lyrics with such style that there are times it almost feels like a Broadway show tune. You'd never think an A, B, Cs song could be so catchy. M is for Magic Missile is from Mary Crowell's 2012 album, Acolytes of the Machine & Other Gaming Stories. The song was entered into ENWorld.org's "Battle of the Bards" 2012 competition but didn't pass its heat. However, one of Mary's other songs, I Put My Low Stat, took first place in that competition.

M is for Magic Missile on Google Play



M is for Magic Missile lyrics

Ask any little wizard
They'll tell you for a fee
You have to learn your magic
Know your spells from "A" to "Z"
There are spells that cause destruction
Spells that make 'em dance
Spells that make 'em blind or deaf
Or better at romance

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But you never roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

"A" is Antimagic Field and
"B" for Bigby's hands
"C" will charm a person
So you'll be in high demand

"D" for Domination or it's
Death,  just point a finger
"E" is Enervation
Hope that level loss will linger, but

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But you never roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

"F" for Feather Fall and
Feeblemind, False Life, False Vision
Fireball makes me happy too
A difficult decision

"G's" got Gate and Glitterdust
"H" is Haste and Hold
Heroism makes my brawny
Meatshields big and bold

"I" for Invisibility
Cast on the rogue that you can't see
Oh

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But you never roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

"J" for Jump is jumping
"K" for Keen Edge, really keen
"L" for Legend Lore, let's see
What secrets can we glean?

"M" is for my favorite spells
Mage Armor, Magic Jar
"N's" for Nondetection so they
Won't know where you are

But don't forget
The best one yet

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But you never roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

Otto's Irresistible Dance
Never even gives them a chance
To save
Phantasmal Killer puts them
in the grave

Wizard spells never start with "Q"
But Quicken is an awesome
feat for you
'Cause you can Quicken

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But you never roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

"R" will give you Rary's
"S" will give you Slow
"T" will give your Teleport
Where do you want to go?

"U" spells all begin with "un-"
Vampiric Touch is "V"
"W's" Wish and Wall of Fire
And then we go to "Z"

So tell me
Why are there no spells
That start with "Y" or "X"?
Still

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But you never roll to hit
And your victims do not ever get a save

"M" is for Magic Missile
You'll cast it 'til they put you in your grave
It hurts them just a bit
But... You cast shield? Okay, Shield. Well I'll cast Greater Dispel Magic on your Shield. No. Dispel Magic comma Greater, then I'll Quicken

A Magic Missile, yeah yeah yeah
Magic Missile, uh huh
A Magic Missile, yeah yeah yeah
Magic Missile, uh huh
Magic Missile, yeah yeah yeah
Magic Missile
Magic Missile