I Put My Low Stat

If I ran a game shop I would like to play the song I Put My Low Stat by Mary Crowell, but it's NSFW.

Roll 4d6, drop the low number, sum the rest, and note the total. Do it five more times and you've got the first step in Dungeons and Dragons character creation. Next you assign the numbers to your stats and in doing so you essentially dictate your character's class. We've all been through the woes, but it took Mary Crowell to write and record a song about it. I Put My Low Stat features Mary singing pleasantly over her piano about the pros and cons of assigning the low stat to all six abilities. She drops plenty of D&D lingo and a solitary swear word. I waffled on labeling this song NSFW for the lone swear word, but I decided the balance of the language and the gentle way she swears made the song okay to play in my fictional game store.

I Put My Low Stat was released on Mary Crowell's 2012 album, Acolytes Of The Machine & Other Gaming Stories - which has many other excellent songs about Dungeons and Dragons. The abiding role-playing website, ENWorld.org, hosted "The Battle of the Bards" music competition in 2012. One month after Mary's album released, she won the top prize for I Put My Low Stat.

I Put My Low Stat on Google Play



I Put My Low Stat lyrics

I put my low stat in Charisma
Got no sex appeal
Thought I'd play the fighter
So I could maim and kill
Live like a monk
'Cause I'm no hunk
Baby, what's the deal?
I put my low stat in Charisma

I put my low stat in my Wisdom
Thought I'd play the thief
Got a lot of skill points
They bring me no relief
I failed my save
Charm Person's slave
Now I've come to grief
I put my low stat in my Wisdom

I put my low stat in can't spell it
But I think it means you're smart
I rolled up a barbarian
And he is a work of art
Don't call him "clown"
He'll hold you down
And on your head he'll fart
I put my low stat in can't spell it

I put my low stat in Dexterity
I'll play an armored priest
When we all roll initiative
I always have the least
Can't save at all
Against Fireball
Now I am deceased
I put my low stat in Dexterity

I put my low stat in my Strength score
And I can't hit a thing
I thought I might just be okay
If I had magic bling
No vorpal sword
And god, I'm bored
Miss on every swing
I put my low stat in my Strength score

I put my low stat in Constitution
Now I'm always sad
I usually go unconscious
Which makes the cleric mad
My blood won't clot
Got mummy rot
Eyesight's really bad
I put my low stat in Constitution

I don't know where I'll put my low stat
It's only seventeen
I wonder why the other guys
Have started turning green
You think they'd be
So glad for me
Instead they're really mean
I don't know where I'll put my low stat

I don’t know where I’ll put my low stat
Think all the rolls were shit
My dungeon master thinks it's fun
To irk me just a bit
"No class will work"
I told the jerk
"You could always quit"
I don't know where I’ll put my low stat

I don't know where I’ll put my low stat
I don't know where - I know where you can stick that low stat
I don't know where I’ll put my low stat