White & Nerdy

If I ran a game store I would play White & Nerdy by Weird Al Yankovic.

Weird Al has always been connected to geeks and nerds, but White & Nerdy pushed that connection over the top. While Al had previously sung about geeky topics like Star Wars, Pentium microprocessors, and TV quiz show Jeopardy, none of these songs (which X Marks the Spot will cover) were nerd anthems. White & Nerdy is very much a nerd anthem. Being a parody of hip-hop song Ridin' by Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone, it has the ability to be played with the car windows down and the volume up. The song very much embraces and teases those with nerdy pursuits and it gently jabs those nerds who enjoy emulating gangster culture (I'm seeing Kipling Dynamite in my head). Weird Al wrote a heat-seeking missile aimed at game store speakers - it's almost embarrassing that games stores don't play this song. White & Nerdy is Weird Al Yankovic's biggest hit single to date, peaking at #9 on Billboard Hot 100 in 2006.

White & Nerdy on Google Play

Mr. Tea

If I ran a game store I might play the song Mr. Tea by Peelander-Z, it's iffy.

On paper, Peelander-Z looks like a band that gamers should adore: they're a group of Japanese ex-pats who met and formed a band in New York describing themselves as a "Japanese Action Comic Punk band hailing from the Z area of Planet Peelander". Their whole act is cosplay and music and whimsy. Their music is loud and brash with hard to understand accents and sometimes the music itself isn't very good. Some of their stuff is punk in a bad way. I don't think a game store can just belt out a full Peelander-Z album. They have gems on each of their albums, though – songs that a game store can play. The elements that make their music a challenge are sometimes put aside, lessened, or heightened to create a song that has easier appeal. Mr. Tea is one of those songs. It begins with dialogue between Captain Yellow and a robot named Pichigo with the dialogue punctuated by spitting and yelling. Captain Yellow gets served a drink he abhors – coffee – and educates Pichigo that his real love is tea; he loves it so much that he's called "Mr. Tea". The entirety of the song is Captain Yellow singing about his love of tea. The music is a nice rockabilly beat with a punk vibe. It's a very listenable and catchy tune and the chorus of "hey, hey, I am Mr. Tea" can stick with you longer than you'd expect.

Mr. Tea is from Peelander-Z's 2012 album, SpaceVacation. There is a second version of the song that does away with Pichigo and Captain Yellow's preamble. They're both from the same album so it seems that the source from where you stream the song makes the difference.

Mr. Tea on Bandcamp (with preamble)

Duet with a Klingon

If I ran a game store I would play the song Duet with a Klingon by Carla Ulbrich.

Duet with a Klingon is a parody of George Gershwin's classic Let's Call the Whole Thing Off, but instead of two people bickering about pronunciation it's sung by an Earthling and a Klingon facing a language barrier. The song works because it's a wry twist on something classic. It feels like Ulbrich is sneaking around the museum, hanging mustaches on all the statues. The song is fun, it's geeky, and the Klingon language is pretty solid. There are some purposeful errors in the translation, though, because when the song was written not all the proper translations could be made (i.e. the word "banana" didn't exist in Klingon at the time).

The song was written by Carla Ulbrich. It was released as both a live version and studio version on her 2009 album, Live from Outer Space. There are many live performances of the song on YouTube as well. I prefer the studio version. Carla Ulbrich sings the part of the human and her husband, Joe Giacoio, sings the part of the Klingon.

Duet with a Klingon (studio version) on CDBaby

Lizard and Fish

If I ran a game store I would play the song Lizard and Fish by Logan Whitehurst and the Junior Science Club.

If I ran a pet store I would play the same song since the song is about a lizard and a fish on a pet store shelf dreaming of the wide world. Well, maybe not since the song gets a bit tragic. The daydreams of Lizard and Fish are cut short when a fire erupts and sends a panic through the shop. Roaring flames and clouds of smoke imperil Lizard and Fish, when suddenly, just like in the film Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, Pee-Wee Herman strides in to carry all to safety.

Lizard and Fish is from Logan Whitehurst and the Junior Science Club 2003 album Goodbye My 4-Track – an album that I have heard Dr. Demento describe as "the Sergeant Peppers of comedy music"* and that I will be citing later on X Marks the Beat. A lot of Whitehurst's music is compared to They Might Be Giants and Flight ofthe Conchords. I think this one has a little Randy Newman in it. Lizard and Fish is a stroll along a piano keyboard with an accompanying clarinet, some broken meter on lyrics, and one of the best committed gags with Fish's voice.

* Spoken at an event on August 30, 2014 at Cinefamily/Silent Movie Theater in Los Angeles

Lizard and Fish on CDBaby

Pirates vs Ninjas

If I ran a game store I would play the song Pirates vs Ninjas by Raptors Away!.

Pirates vs Ninjas is a guitar-driven, hoarse-throated, crossover thrash tune. Musically it's a little heavy for a game store, but the subject matter makes the song a must-play. The song is about the obvious: a fantasy battle to the death between pirates and ninjas.

It's an established fact that if pirates and ninjas fought that the pirates would win, duh. Yet when Raptors Away! recorded Pirates vs Ninjas they recorded the song with two endings – one describing pirate victory and one describing ninja victory. When the band performed the song live they would poll the audience who would win and play the ending to match. Ideally, both versions of the song will be on my game store's playlist and the playlist will be set to shuffle.

Raptors Away! was a garage band that never really got anywhere. They peaked by getting on the same line-up as The Great Lukeski, Warp 11, and The Phenomenauts at Gen Con So Cal 2004 gaming convention (all these bands will be covered by X Marks the Beat). Dr. Demento was in the audience that night (so was I – the audience voted for pirates) and Raptors Away! was interviewed by Attack of the Show. The band produced a five-song CD for sale at the convention and in 2005 they produced a second CD titled There's One in Every Crowd. They eventually combined both CDs onto a single album titled Rise of the Phoenix. Pirates vs Ninjas was originally titled PvN and was released on There's One in Every Crowd. The name was changed to avoid confusion with PvA (Predators vs Aliens).

Pirates vs Ninjas (pirate victory) on CDBaby

Pirates vs Ninjas (ninja victory) on CDBaby

For the Benefit of Mankind

If I ran a game store I would play the song For the Benefit of Mankind by The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band.

"Meanwhile, beneath a bench in the laboratory their lurked a man whose body language openly displayed a larger than average carbon footprint. He was dressed in a white coat and strapped to a portable xylophone. Dot, dot, dot."

The quoted prose really explains For the Benefit of Mankind quite nicely: the man in the white coat sings about his scientific accomplishments while playing the xylophone. It's a kooky song with a kooky sound sung by a guy with a kooky accent who uses kooky words. There's a strong Gilbert and Sullivan vibe here. Quite honestly, this is such a fun song that I put it on most all of my playlists and not just the ones I'd play if I ran a game store (although gamers have a thing for mad science).

The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band is a 1960s English band that have played off and on over the decades. For the Benefit of Mankind is from their 2007 album, Pour l'Amour des Chiens, although there are hints than an earlier version with one less verse exists.

Note: "aubergine" is a British term for an eggplant.

I was unable to find a streaming version of the song to link.

Hulkulele

If I ran a game store I would play the song Hulkulele by Nuclear Bubble Wrap.

Most people don't know that The Incredible Hulk wants to spend some quality time with a ukulele. Nuclear Bubble Wrap knows and they wrote a song about it. The tune follows Hulk as he tries to fulfill his goal, and throughout he is thwarted by his own size and the jibes of Spider-Man and Wolverine. There's a bit of sulky Hulk in the lyrics but the green guy does okay in the end.

Hulkulele is a gentle tune led by a keyboard in steel drum mode, highlighted with ukulele riffs, and possessing a hint of Caribbean sound. As told by NBW's Jace, "one of my roommates has a pair of Hulk hands. Another one has a ukulele. Somehow that led to this song existing."

The current version of the song was released in February 2012 as a sort of pre-release version. Jace stated on WeirdAlForum.com that the song was due for a "drastic overhaul" to "make it sound a lot more like a reggae song" in an effort to match the tone of then-upcoming album Psycho Delicacy. Instead the song was released unchanged on the Abracadaver EP in April 2012.

Hulkulele on The FuMP