If I ran a game store I would play the song Pirates
vs Ninjas by Raptors Away!.
Pirates vs Ninjas is a guitar-driven, hoarse-throated, crossover thrash tune. Musically it's a little heavy for a game
store, but the subject matter makes the song a must-play. The song is about the
obvious: a fantasy battle to the death between pirates and ninjas.
It's an established fact that if pirates and
ninjas fought that the pirates would win, duh. Yet when Raptors Away! recorded Pirates
vs Ninjas they recorded the song with two endings – one describing pirate
victory and one describing ninja victory. When the band performed the song live
they would poll the audience who would win and play the ending to match. Ideally,
both versions of the song will be on my game store's playlist and the playlist
will be set to shuffle.
Raptors Away! was a garage band that never really
got anywhere. They peaked by getting on the same line-up as The Great Lukeski,
Warp 11, and The Phenomenauts at Gen Con So Cal 2004 gaming convention (all
these bands will be covered by X Marks the Beat). Dr. Demento was in the audience
that night (so was I – the audience voted for pirates) and Raptors Away! was
interviewed by Attack of the Show. The band produced a five-song CD for sale at
the convention and in 2005 they produced a second CD titled There's One in
Every Crowd. They eventually combined both CDs onto a single album titled Rise
of the Phoenix. Pirates vs Ninjas was originally titled PvN and was released on
There's One in Every Crowd. The name was changed to avoid confusion with PvA
(Predators vs Aliens).
Pirates vs Ninjas lyrics
Captain Tiggerwilly's fearless crew had been at
sea for nine long weeks
Merchant ships were scarce and few and the
pickin's were rather meek
When all of a sudden a crewman shouted, "Look a
storm is nigh"
And as they all looked up instead of rain ninjas
fell from the sky
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, only one walks away tonight
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, only one walks away tonight
The ninjas landed on the ship, they had swords and
shuriken too
The pirates looked around and realized that there
were quite a few
But the pirates hadn't backed away from a fight in
all their lives
So some drew swords and some drew guns and they
threw down for the fight
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, only one walks away tonight
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, only one walks away tonight
The topsman got his head cut off by a dude with a
kusarigama
And this one ninja got shot with a cannon and died
from severe blunt trauma
The ninja leader and the pirate captain squared
off upon the poop deck
And everyone on the ship stopped to watch knowing
one would meet their death
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, only one walks away tonight
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, only one walks away tonight
[Choose an ending]
Lyrics for pirate victory ending
Ladies and gentlemen, there is an age old battle
that has been fought between pirates and ninjas
Well I'm here one and for all to decide with you
the final outcome
Ladies and gentlemen, this is not an easy choice
You're condemning an entire race to extinction
through gory, bloody, violent deaths
It's a tough call and it's a call you are going to
have to make
I can't do this alone
Let's do it
Will it be the ninjas, able to turn invisible,
ancient feudal assassins of old?
(Applause)
Or will it be the pirates, sailing on their ships,
wenching, whoring, dressing like homeless people?
(Applause)
The pirates have it
The captain kicked him in the balls and then
chopped off his head
And the ninjas let out a mighty gasp as the ninja
leader fell dead
The pirates killed all the ninjas, each and every
one
Then they got real drunk and got some whores and
sailed in to the sun
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, the pirates rule the night
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, the pirates won tonight
Lyrics for ninja victory ending
Ladies and gentlemen, there is an age old battle
that has been fought between pirates and ninjas
Well I'm here once and for all to help decide with
you the final outcome
Ladies and gentlemen, this is not an easy choice
You're condemning an entire race to extinction
through gory, bloody, violent deaths
It's a tough call and it's a call you are going to
have to make
I can't do this alone
Let's do it
Will it be the pirates, made famous by dressing
like homeless people, wearing parrots and hooks, and wenching?
(Applause)
Or will it be the ninjas, secret warriors of the
night who can turn invisible and totally just kill anyone?
(Applause)
The ninjas have it
The pirate and the ninja swung their swords but
neither blow fell true
"Ya missed, ya landlubber," the captain cried then
promptly split in two
The pirates gasped as the ninjas killed them down
to the last man
Then they went all invisible and went back to
Japan
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, the ninjas rule the night
Pirates and ninjas are having the final fight
Pirates and ninjas, the ninjas rule the night
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