D & D

If I ran a game store I would play the song D & D by Stephen Lynch.

One of the nice things about gamers is that we have an understanding of how geeky our hobbies are. We've learned to take a few jabs as long as its done the right way. Stephen Lynch is a comedian and musician who jabs at gamers with his D & D routine. The bit calls for two voices, so he's joined in the recording by Mark Teich. D & D is a comedy song that highlights some of the standard gamer stereotypes, i.e. the virgin living in the parents' basement. It's performed in front of audiences that might be laughing at gamers, but the song is so off the mark of reality that even gamers can have a laugh at it. Since it's a comedy routine the lyrics are often in prose, but I didn't bother to note that in the lyrics I provided. Also, it's a routine that is still performed and it has evolved over time. The D & D version I would play in my game store is from Lynch's 2003 album, Superhero. He also released a version title D&D (Live 2005) on his 2005 album, The Craig Machine. The 2005 version is longer, but it contains a fair bit of swearing and isn't really fit for playing in an all-ages store. I haven't checked, but I imagine there being plenty of recording on YouTube will all sort of variant lyrics.

D & D on Google Play

D & D lyrics

You better get back up here

This is a song about a guy you might remember from high school
Or you might be this guy from high school, I don't know

How about a little, uh, harmonica?

I got my twelve-sided die and I'm ready to roll with a wizard and my goblin crew
My friends are comin' over to my mom's basement, bringin' Funyuns and the Mountain Dew
I got a big broadsword made outta cardboard and that stereo's a-pumpin' Zeppelin
It's that time of the night, we turn on the black light
Let the Dungeons and the Dragons begin
It's D and D
Fightin' with the legends of yore.
It's D and D
Never kissed a lady before
Nope
Whoo

Now The Lord of the Rings, The Dark Crystal and things, we use these as a reference tool
And when we put on our cloaks and tell warlock jokes, we're the coolest kids at the school
No we're not
I know
Now Teich's a real bastard, but a fair dungeon master; he's got hit points and charisma to lend
And I rehearse in my room, or what I call the Dragon's Tomb, when I'm not out with my girlfriend
It's D and D

Wait, sorry. You got a girlfriend?
Yeah, yeah I got a... no

It's D and D
Warriors that terrify
It's D and D

Virgins 'til the day we
One, two, three, four, die

Thanks
Stephen Lynch, ladies and gentlemen
It's Mark Teich