Never Split the Party

If I ran a game store I would play the song Never Split the Party by Emerald Rose.

We've all had our reasons for parting ways in an RPG. Maybe you thought the level was cleared. Maybe the thief has a separate agenda. Maybe half the party fell to a lower level. Whatever the case, the standard Dungeons and Dragons party has been balanced to work well together and are often rubbish when missing key roles, hence these words of sage advice: never split the party. That's the takeaway from this song by Emerald Rose. Never Split the Party is a casual, folk rock song about an adventuring party that splits and suffers great woe before they can reunite. The song begins with the band members clowning around at the gaming table and all throughout the song they can be heard cracking wise behind the lyrics. The jesting captures the mood of many of the gaming tables at which I have sat and is very welcoming.

Never Split the Party is from Emerald Rose's 2007 album, Con Suite. They've been recording Celtic rock / folk and Pagan songs since 1998. Con Suite is their only album dedicated to comedy, pop culture, and gaming, but it's a winner and I will be adding another song or two from it to X Marks the Beat.

Never Split the Party on Google Play



Never Split the Party lyrics

I know I had a Dungeon Master's Screen here somewhere.
Who has my glow-in-the-dark twenty-sided?
Hey, I can't find my character sheet. Where's my character- oh, there it is.
That's my beer. You're gonna have to roll a saving throw.
It's in with the Cheetos.
If I catch someone looking at my Dungeon Master's Screen more than dice are gonna roll.
I know I gave it to somebody over here and I didn't get it back.
Roll for initiative.
I can't roll. Ew, now it's got yellow on it.

We were skulking through this dungeon, a mighty sorry lot
Old Galliard the fighter had been actin' like a sot
Our cleric had colitis, our torches all were wet
But we had to find some treasure soon to get us out of debt

All right, who had the damn lobster bisque?

So Galliard and Sonja were itchin' for a fight
They both took the left fork, while we went to the right
And that is when we heard it: the sound of rollin' dice
We wondered why we had ignored those words of sage advice

Two words: diversified portfolio

Don't you know you never split the party?
Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
The wizard in the middle where he can shed some light
And you never let that damn thief out of sight

So then we heard this bellow from back around the bend
We turned around to see if there was aid that we could lend
And suddenly the corridor was covered up with orcs
We fell back in a panic, feeling like a bunch of dorks

One of my dice are cubic zirconia

The thief had pissed his leathers, our monk was turning blue
Our wizard got all flustered and he covered us with goo
The cleric swung his holy club some orcish skulls to break
We tried to dodge his back-swing as we pondered our mistake

Don't you know you never split the party?
Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
The wizard in the middle where he can shed some light
And you never let that damn thief out of sight

We finally found our fighters, they were hacking at a troll
They chopped off knees and elbows but it kept on growing whole
Our wizard flung his fireball, his dice they did not fail
He torched that troll and left the fighters roasting in their mail

The cleric had his hands full, apologies were said
We swore an oath we'd stick together just like we were wed
But then we found that sneaky thief had vanished in the gloom
We caught him stuffing pockets in the secret treasure room

Heh heh, heh heh, heh heh, I'm in politics

Don't you know you never split the party?
Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
The wizard in the middle where he can shed some light
And you never let that damn thief out of sight

Don't you know you never split the party?
Clerics in the back keep those fighters hale and hearty
The wizard in the middle where he can shed some light
And you never let that damn thief
You never let that damn thief
You never let that damn thief out of sight

Saving at minus four