The Elements

If I ran a game store I would play the song The Elements by Tom Lehrer.

"Sing the phonebook" is a phrase at the root of many compliments paid to singers. It's used to claim they could sing any old words and make it sound good, for example, "she could sing the phonebook and I'd pay to listen." While I've never heard that claim made about Tom Lehrer, he did sing the names of all the elements on the periodic table to paying audiences. The song, The Elements, is him singing those names to the tune of Major-General's Song from The Pirates of Penzance. He names every element on the table at the time the song was written in 1959, although he doesn't sing them in the order they appear on the periodic table. Instead, he puts them into a sequence to match the original tune's meter and to introduce alliteration. The song is equal parts hectic and humorous.

The Elements has been released on three of Tom Lehrer's albums. First, on 1959's More of Tom Lehrer and 1959's An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer (it's a live album and the track has spoken comedy in addition to the song) and 1994's compilation album Tom Lehrer in Concert (it's the same track from An Evening Wasted with Tom Lehrer). The song has also appeared on compilation kids' and comedy albums.

The Elements (More of Tom Lehrer version) on Google Play

Press Start to Continue

If I ran a game store I would play the song Press Start to Continue by Possible Oscar.

I'm pretty much a blundering idiot. I say the wrong things. I act the wrong way. I'm never listening when it matters. If I had a ring that would take me back twenty seconds when I twist it, that would give me just enough time to review my foolishness and replace it with better behavior. I'm betting that Possible Oscar is a bunch of blundering idiots, too, because they've written a song about going back in time to correct social errors. Their solution was to do like in video games, though, where you can save your game and start there again after you die. Press Start to Continue is a parody of Judas Priest's Living After Midnight. I realize that heavy metal isn't the right fit for most game stores, but Living After Midnight is 35 years old and the original has weathered with time, plus Possible Oscar knows how to record their tunes so they're perfect for game stores - if you squint, it almost sounds like classic rock.

Press Start to Continue was released on the FuMP in early 2008 and it released a few months later on their album, The FuMP Volume 7. It was included on Possible Oscar's 2010 album, Individual Results May Vary.

Press Start to Continue on Bandcamp
Press Start to Continue on Google Play

I Fucking Love Science

If I ran a game store I would like to play the song I Fucking Love Science by Hank Green and The Perfect Strangers, but it's NSFW.

Elise Andrew started the "I Fucking Love Science" Facebook page in 2012 as a place to post neat science links. The page grew quickly and as it grew its name became a brand, spilling onto Twitter, Google+, and it's own dedicated website. In 2014, Hank Green and The Perfect Strangers released the song I Fucking Love Science on their album, Incongruent. I don't know that there is any relationship between the band and the brand that Mrs. Andrew has started, but if there's not there should be. Hank Green is an enormous nerd. He's got a science degree, a science blog and a science vlog, he's an inventor and a musician, he's started his own music label and he's interviewed the President of the United States of America. I think he is uniquely qualified to sing the I Fucking Love Science song, officially or unofficially. At any rate, he has this song and it's fun. It's a fast driving, modern rock tune perfect for singing at the top of your voice while you drive... or while selecting a board game from the store shelf. There's a clean version of the song - I Love Science - which is the same exact tune but sung without the expletive. It doesn't have the same punch for me, though. If I ran a game store I would like to play the uncensored version or neither - the clean version doesn't float my boat.

I Fucking Love Science on Google Play

You're Homely But I'll Sleep With You

If I ran a game store I might play the song You're Homely But I'll Sleep With You by Moneyshot Cosmonauts, it's iffy.

Everybody has their secrets. Some of us watch taboo anime, some of us use cosplay inappropriately, some of us use our beards to conceal weird things on our faces, and some of us aren't too proud to take home a bottom-feeder. It's this last group that Moneyshot Cosmonauts focuses on in You're Homely But I'll Sleep With You. Their parody of the oldie I Only Want to Be with You by Dusty Springfield (and covered many times since) follows a woman who's far from home, looking for some action in a bar full of losers. It's an internal dialogue showing her willpower weaken as she takes drink after drink.

The Moneyshot Cosmonauts aren't a band in the normal sense. They're M. Spaff Sumsion and whoever he can find to assist when the inspiration to record strikes him. Each song of theirs will have a different listing of band members. For You're Homely But I'll Sleep With You it's Cari Golden on lead and backing vocals, Bob Emmet on backing vocals and all of the instruments, and M. Spaff Sumsion on lyrics. They released the song on The FuMP in 2010 and it was released on The FuMP Volume 20 a couple of months later.

Gamers have the enduring reputation of being homely, weird, smelly nerds. I've spent enough time gaming in game stores and at conventions to know that this reputation should have expired, but hasn't. We're a diverse lot and I think that diversity lends us a collective sense of humor about homeliness, weirdos, and nerd life. Therefore I also think we can take a song like You're Homely But I'll Sleep With You and get a laugh out of it and not think it's aimed at us, because it isn't. But it also kind of is. We count the homely, weird, and smelly nerds among our numbers and there's a good chance we've all dealt with considering ourselves to be one - it's like a group identity thing. Okay, this is getting away from me. What I'm trying to say is this song isn't about gaming or pop culture so it doesn't properly belong on this list, but I think it'll play well to gamers because reasons, therefore it's iffy as to whether or not I'd play it in my store. Was that so hard to say, Roy, really?

You're Homely But I'll Sleep With You on Google Play

The Ultimate Showdown (RBN Mix)

If I ran a game store I would play the song The Ultimate Showdown (RBN Mix) by Lemon Demon.

If Darth Vader fought the Doctor, who would win? What if it was Indiana Jones versus a Terminator T-800 Model 101? How about Batman versus Sauron? Or Vin Diesel and Mr. T? Pirates or ninjas? These are all classic arguments to be had on the walk to school in the sixth grade, at the game table as you wait for Jimmy to arrive, or in the Cal Tech cafeteria as depicted on The Big Bang Theory. In 2005, Lemon Demon threw all the names into a hat and rolled out The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny as a tribute to these queries. The song narrates the events of a battle royale between pop culture figures large and small and old and new, ultimately crowning a single victor.

When the song was initially released, in December 2005, it accompanied a Flash animation video by Shawn Vulliez. The video was released on the Newgrounds website, where it went viral and currently has over 12,000,000 views. The video was copied onto other viral websites, like Albino Blacksheep and YouTube, where it continued to be viewed by millions of people. Dr. Demento played the song repeatedly through 2006, with the song topping the "Funny Five" many times and eventually being crowned #1 Request for 2006. In July 2006, Lemon Demon released The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny on his album, Dinosaurchestra. Lemon Demon recorded a new version of the song, The Ultimate Showdown (RBN Mix), for inclusion in the Rock Band video game series in 2010. He also released the RBN Mix on The FuMP, where it was eventually included on The FuMP Volume 22. Finally, a live version of the song was released on Lemon Demon's 2011 album, Live (Only Not), with the billing "performed by the actual Full Band, instead of just a guy and a computer." The full band is Neil "Lemon Demon" Cicierega on vocals and piano, Greg Lanzillotta on drums, Alora Lanzillotta on bass, Charles "Chooch" Sergio and Dave Kitsberg on guitars. If I ran a game store I would play the RBN Mix version.

The Ultimate Showdown (RBN Mix) on Google Play

I Am Very Glad, Because I'm Finally Returning Back Home

If I ran a game store I would play the song I Am Very Glad, Because I'm Finally Returning Back Home by Eduard Khil.

In the 1960s and 1970s Eduard Khil was a treasured Russian crooner, with a couple of generations enjoying his soothing baritone vocals. He and his composer, Arkady Ostrovsky, had composed this song in the mid-60s with lyrics about an American cowboy returning to his farm. When it came time to perform the song on television, Khil put aside the lyrics and performed the song vokaliz style instead (meaning sung but without words, akin to American scat singing). Some claim that the government was censoring the imagery of the life in the American west to Soviet-era listeners. Khil denied this, claiming instead that the lyrics were unfit for television. YouTube has a variety of videos of Khil performing this song. All of them are vokaliz and all are accompanied by a full orchestra. A 1976 performance was discovered there by internet misfits who surfaced it on Reddit, and from there BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post further popularized the video. The video went viral and eventually led to a call to revive Khil's career, although he was well into his 70s at the time. The song has gone down in internet history as the "Trololo" song or the "Russian Rickroll". For me, the song is time-stamped with the mark of the early 2010s. I have to imagine that most people who were clowning around on the internet at that time have encountered this song.

I Am Very Glad, Because I'm Finally Returning Back Home on Google Play

Rockin' Rockin' Leprechauns

If I ran a game store I would play the song Rockin' Rockin' Leprechauns by Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers.

Traditionally, leprechauns wore red coats, green vests, white pants, and black socks. They also like to pinch and prank people and wearing green grants a person immunity from these bothers. It's lesser known, but leprechauns also like to play rock and roll music. Their rock and roll roots go back to early times on the Emerald Isle, though at some point a while ago they stopped playing it. Nobody really remembers when they stopped. Even fewer would know why they stopped. The thing is, they've just recently returned and their rock and roll sound is as playful as ever. Rockin' Rockin' Leprechauns is Jonathon Richman's celebration of their return and is itself a playful, stripped down rock and roll song. The song features a bare bones acoustic that sounds like it might have been played in a hall rather than a recording studio, especially the saxophone interlude. It's light-weight and carries a sense of whimsy - perfect for a game store.

Rockin' Rockin' Leprechauns is from the 1977 album, Rock 'n' Roll with the Modern Lovers. It was also released on the 2013 compilation album, Roadrunner: The Berzerkeley Collection, which collected their hits on the Berzerkeley record label.

Rockin' Rockin' Leprechauns on Google Play

I Should Be Writing

If I ran a game store I might play the song I Should Be Writing by John Anealio, it's iffy.

Songwriter John Anealio finds his mind wandering when it comes time to write lyrics. It is oft summoned by the siren call of the internet or of the TARDIS materializing on BBC America. At some point we've all sat down to write - maybe it's a school assignment, maybe it's art, or maybe it's a post on a very quiet blog. And at some point we've all experienced what John does: our minds wanting to focus on something - anything - other than writing. I Should Be Writing is a gentle self-scolding for those times. If I ran a game store I would strongly consider playing this song because I know that many of the patrons have creative pursuits, be they GMs or comic book authors or bardic poets. It's iffy for me because the song is more about the creative process and no so much about gaming or monsters or pop culture, but I really believe that my fictional customers would take to the song.

I Should Be Writing is the theme song to a podcast of the same name and it was specially commissioned by the podcast's host, Mur Lafferty, for that purpose. The song was also released on John Anealio's 2010 EP, NaNoWriMo, which is his ode to National Novel Writing Month. The EP also has an acoustic version of the song, titled I Should Be Writing (Acoustic). If I ran a game store I would play the electronic version. The difference is instrumental only, with both songs being gentle rock tunes. John plays guitar on both versions, but the electronic version also has him playing synthesizer and drum machine.

From John Anealio's Bandcamp page:

"I Should Be Writing" is dedicated to everyone who writes. Whether you write novels, articles, blog posts, comics, or songs, I think everyone has occasions when they doubt what they are doing or are easily distracted. Hopefully this song will help.

I Should Be Writing on Bandcamp

Reprehensible

If I ran a game store I might play the song Reprehensible by They Might Be Giants, it's iffy.

The They Might Be Giants catalog is challenging for me to decide. They make wonderfully geeky music that flirts with hipster music and they make wonderful hipster music that flirts with geeky music. The challenge is in deciding which of their songs are geeky enough that they should be played in a game store. To make this task harder for myself Reprehensible is my favorite of all their music, so I struggle with bias on it. I would play it in my imaginary game store as a guilty pleasure, but I don't know if it needs to be played in actual brick and mortars to inculcate geek culture.

Reprehensible is one of the lesser known TMBG tunes. It's about a fellow bent on evil all day long, who is haunted at bedtime by his past of evil deeds spread over many lifetimes. Gamers love evil when it is framed properly and Reprehensible puts an appealing, whimsical frame on it.

Reprehensible was released on They Might Be Giant's 1999 album, Long Tall Weekend, and re-released on their 2002 album of rarities, They Got Lost.

Reprehensible on Google Play

Viva Del Santo!

If I ran game store I would play the song Viva Del Santo! By Southern Culture on the Skids.

Santo is a champion luchador wrestler, a masked super hero, a secret agent, movie star, fashion icon and sex symbol – and Viva Del Santo! is a song about him. Southern Culture on the Skids actually released an entire EP devoted to the star named Santo Swings. This song is mostly musical. It starts with a slow prose describing the exciting life Santo leads, then someone yells "Viva de los Santo" and the song kicks into high gear. It's a rockabilly surf tune full of grito Mexicano, trumpets, a lady cheering "go, go Santo," and a wrestling ring bell. There are few lyrics in this song and those that do exist mix with the beat and the sound effects to create the illusion of a superhero wrestler living life in the fast lane. The other songs on the album do an incomplete job of capturing the spirit of Santo and while they are enjoyable they do not need to be played in my fictional game store.

Viva Del Santo! was released on the album, Santo Swings. Santo Swings was released in 1992 on one label and again in 1996 on a new label.

Vive Del Santo! on Google Play

This video is of the entire 18 minute EP. Viva Del Santo! is the first song played and lasts until the 3:50 mark,

Mysterious Mose

If I ran a game store I would play the song Mysterious Mose by R. Crumb & His Cheap Suit Serenaders.

Originally the soundtrack to a vintage Betty Boop cartoon of the same name, Mysterious Mose is an oldie but a goody. The song is about the tingle that goes up your spine when you're scared or it could be about an apparition of sorts. Honestly, the song doesn't really nail down the exact being of Mysterious Mose. The 1930 cartoon from which it sprang reveals Mose as an automaton full or gears and springs. Both the song and cartoon give examples of abilities that make it hard to imagine Mysterious Mose actually being one thing – a luxury of the imagination.

There are many versions of Mysterious Mose from which to choose. I choose the version by R. Crumb & His Cheap Suit Serenaders because once they're past the lyrics they operate like a skiffle jam band, and that's a rare sound. Mysterious Mose is from the 1976 album, R. Crumb and his Cheap Suit Serenaders No. 2, which has since been reissued as a 1993 album, Chasin' Rainbows.

Mysterious Mose on Google Play

Hail The Chap

If I ran a game store I would play the song Hail The Chap by Mr. B the Gentlemen Rhymer.

When steampunk arrived it was accompanied by Victorian behaviors that created a dapper sub-culture. Men were sitting with straight backs, oiled mustaches, and all imaginable manners of the late 1800s. I don't know which came first, steampunk or The Chap magazine, but the two certainly leaned on each other as they developed. Hail the Chap is an ode to The Chap magazine on its tenth anniversary. The song laments the current state of gentlemanly being and implores listeners to adhere to The Chap Manifesto, which is The Chap's ten rules of conduct and attire. To the casual listener the song lays down some groundwork of steampunk, imploring men to behave, but the distinguished listener will know the song as a rally cry of The Chap – "All hail The Chap!"

Hail The Chap is of the small genre known as chap-hop. It features Mr. B the Gentleman Rhymer on the banjolele and he's accompanied by a horn, piano, and drum. It has a brisk cadence, a strict syncopation and an impossible vocabulary that'll make you listen closer the next time you hear it. The whole of the song feels very steampunk despite the hip-hop elements.

Hail The Chap on Google Play

I Can Not Breathe in Your Atmosphere

If I ran a game store I would like to play the song I Can Not Breathe in Your Atmosphere by Future Folk, but it's NSFW.

Two space aliens from the planet Hondo have arrived on Earth. Their own planet has no music and no art, so the two are inspired by what they encounter on our home world. They don their space suits, grab a guitar and banjo, and form a folk music band: Future Folk. General Trius and The Mighty Kevin play songs about adapting to life on Earth or lamenting what they miss from home. Their subject matter is what makes me want to play their music for gamers – it's bluegrass sci-fi played for a smirk. Their songs are usually family-friendly, but in I Can Not Breathe in Your Atmosphere they slip in an f-bomb. In the song, the duo sings about the pleasantries of Earth but temper the good vibes by complaining about their need to keep on their space helmets.

I Can Not Breathe in Your Atmosphere is from their 2012 album, Future Folk, Vol. 1. They also have a feature length film called The History of Future Folk that gives the story for their journey to Earth and first forays into music.

I Can Not Breathe in Your Atmosphere on Google Play