Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits

If I ran a game store I would play the song Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits by Marc Gunn.

Of all the races in Middle Earth which one holds their liquor the best? It's a well known fact that man is the lightest of the lightweights when you compare the races. Marc Gunn reminds us what a bad idea it is for us humans to share pints with the halfling people in Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits. In his customary fashion, Marc plays the autoharp while melodically singing his poetry so the song sounds like something you'd hear at a Ren Faire. That's a selling point, though, because this song is of a jovial night in a Hobbiton watering hole and Ren Faire music is what you expect is played there.

Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits was inspired by real life events. As the story goes, Marc was at a 2004 convention and went drinking with the people behind a hobbit fan fiction website and he was left in a horrible booze haze for the rest of the con. He posted the lyrics for the song on his blog in 2007 and released the recorded song on his 2008 album, What Color is Your Dragon?. He later released the song on The FuMP and on his 2011 album, titled Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits.

Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits on Google Play

Don't Go Drinking with Hobbits lyrics

Don't go drinking with hobbits
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long
But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends
You may not want to wake up at all

They were thoughtful and kind when they invited me to drink
A lone human among hobbitkind
They bought me a half, then another and one more
And told stories of days long gone by

The brew was strong, my glass never empty
As if time stood still and bare
But when I awoke the next morning
I felt like Old Smaug had been there

Oh, don't go drinking with hobbits
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long
But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends
You may not want to wake up at all

You may wonder how it all happened
Well, I'm still wondering what happened too
I had tea, dinner, and supper
Quite full, I thought I was through

They insisted I come to the Flagon
And drink to the health of new friends
But when I go there, I met more hobbit friends
And the toasts seemed never to end

Oh, don't go drinking with hobbits
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long
But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends
You may not want to wake up at all

When the sun it rose the next morning
And I lifted my head from my drool
There were beer mugs spilled on the table
And hobbits lying next to their stools

A young hobbit lass grinned cross the barroom
And nudged each of my new hobbit friends
And then sometime after second breakfast
We all started drinking again

Oh, don't go drinking with hobbits
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long
But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends
You may not want to wake up at all

I left Hobbiton a few days later
My head was swollen and sore
It felt like a dwarven anvil
After a terrible war

I don't think I'll ever recover
From the food, the drink and the cheer
And I swear I'll never drink with hobbits again
At least, 'til I see them next year

Oh, don't go drinking with hobbits
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long
But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends
You may not want to wake up at all

No, don't go drinking with hobbits
Sure you'll have a grand time all night long
But if you go drinking with hobbits, my friends
You may not want to wake up at all