307 Ale

If I ran a game store I would play the song 307 Ale by Tom Smith.

Someday man will venture into the vastness of outer space and visit foreign planets, mingle with alien races, and consume extra-terrestrial booze. Tom Smith puts forward the opinion that even when those days are at hand, the finest intoxicant will still be a terrestrial sort, created in a lab, using means that are still beyond us in the modern day. 307 Ale is a rollicking, banjo-led drinking song based upon a fictional spirit of the same name. It folds in science and science fiction, creating the illusion that the song is inspired by a great work of science fiction literature. In fact, the song was inspired by a Michigan license plate reading "307 ALE", though the tesseract in the song is inspired by Robert A. Heinlein's short story "--And He Built a Crooked House--". 307 Ale is sung by Tom Smith with a band of carousers joining him for the chorus and as background voices cracking wise. The song is upbeat, with a tempo that slows for emphasis but never drags. 307 Ale is both the "finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale" and the finest of all geeky drinking songs.

307 Ale was released on Tom Smith's 2001 album, Who Let Him in Here? There are many live versions available for download from Tom's Bandcamp page and to watch on YouTube. If I ran a game store I would play the 2001 album version.

307 Ale on Bandcamp

307 Ale lyrics

There's many drinks you'll drink, me lads, on every world that's new
There's Saurian Brandy, Cranapple Schnapps, and a good old Tullamore Don't
There's Busch and Beck and Bud and Bock and others dark and pale
But I think you'll find the finest kind is Three-Oh-Seven Ale

Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads, Three-Oh-Seven Ale
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads
Three-Oh-Seven Ale

It started down at M.I.T. one lazy summer day
When a couple of the frat-boy techies started in to play
They'd caught up on their schedule with a couple hours to kill
So they fitted up their cyclotron and made themselves a still

Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads, Three-Oh-Seven Ale
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads
Three-Oh-Seven Ale

They added choice ingredients to brew a little brew
But they didn't know the wires were crossed in chamber number two
A tiny bit of space got folded, things were looking queer
They turned the spout and then came out the world's first hyper-beer

Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads, Three-Oh-Seven Ale
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale
There's nothing that you'll ever taste like Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads
Three-Oh-Seven Ale

It bubbled and it burbled and it glowed a fizzly green
And what it did to test equipment, frankly, was obscene
It took awhile to find a vial it wouldn't burst to flame
Then they measured out its potency and that's how it was named

There's many drinks you'll drink, me lads, but this one beats them all
One hundred fifty-three and one-half percent alcohol
A beer, brewed in a tesseract, it'll shoot you through the roof
And if you don't believe me, I've got lots and lots of proof

Three-Oh-Seven Ale, me lads, Three-Oh-Seven Ale
The finest drink that any bar has ever had for sale
It'll lay your whole damn world to waste, it'll make you fit and hale
It sticks to your mouth like library paste
With a stronger kick than toxic waste
There's nothing that you'll ever taste
Like Three-Oh-Seven Ale