Table Top

If I ran a game store I would play the song Table Top by Beefy.

It's Friday night game night at the favorite local game store and Beefy is playing to win with his song, Table Top. If game stores had the bucks to advertise on TV, this is the song they'd play in those ads. It's a Nerdcore hip-hop song that has Beefy breaking open both his Players's Handbook and his rhyming dictionary. In it, he sings about his love of board and card games, calling out his most and least favorites by name. There's some boasting, some joking, and some decreeing. The song has something of a hectic beat to it and it'll take more than one listen to catch all the lyrics and his references.

Table Top is from Beefy's 2008 album, Rolling Doubles. The song was in circulation for nearly a year before the album released and that made it the biggest song on the album. Beefy frequently closes his live shows with it. If I put together a top-ten list of songs to be played in game stores, Table Top would rank very highly.

Table Top on Google Play





Table Top lyrics

Saturday night, I'm bringing skills here at the table top
So much better at Monopoly than at this Nerdcore hip-hop
I won at Tongiaki, Uno, and Settlers of Catan
Hand me a twenty-sided die and I'll show you who is the man

Back up with a soda pop
Rolling doubles all night and I'm feeling hot
See me gettin' out of jail free
Hitting deuce fives, yo, that's my Free Parking
Feeling pretty dope-hat knowing I'm winning these games tonight
Collect twenty bucks from everybody who's feeling good, alright
Clean up the board and money while my buddy lifts the G.M. screen
I got my D., my handbook, and my trusty character sheet
My warrior is known to do eight plus one with his fists
Turning orcs into clouds of blood wishing they didn't exist

"Alright, you guys get to the dungeon and you finally see the siren that's been causing all this trouble."
"Can I have sex with it?"
"No, you can't have… you know what? You've been warned. Put your dice down."

Saturday night I'm bringing skills here at the table top
So much better at Monopoly than at this Nerdcore hip-hop
I won at Tongiaki, Uno, and Settlers of Catan
Hand me a twenty-sided die and I'll show you who is the man

Come on
I receive my X.P. then we proceed to some games of Munchkin
Thinking that I'm getting the good treasure: that's a great assumption
Back down with the Power Glove
For once we're gonna show this table love
Turn off the TV and grab some dice
This is how we roll mofo on nerd night
Nobody's trading with Beefy when we play some S.O.C.
I tell 'em I've got wood for sheep, they just make faces at me
We play some Ninja Burger, my card says I do a back flip
Three A.M. but I don't care my friend you know it's time for conflict

Saturday night I'm bringing skills here at the table top
So much better at Monopoly than at this Nerdcore hip-hop
I won at Tongiaki, Uno, and Settlers of Catan
Hand me a twenty-sided die and I'll show you who is the man

Never been a fan of Scrabble
Words or birds or psychobabble
Thanks to the 'net I can beat my friends in Portland and Seattle
We need three days for some Risk
I'm trapped in Ukraine, I slash wrists
But sit back I don't get pissed
I'll win cause I'm an optimist
Game of Life: don't waste my time
I'd rather go back home and rhyme
I came here for some games and friends
I wipe the smudge from off my lens
Then I stand up on my seat
Dispense this knowledge, I decree
That nerd night is the greatest thing to happen to all of our lives

"Right, here's the thing; I… I love you. I love all of… I'm sorry, I love you."

Saturday night I'm bringing skills here at the table top
So much better at Monopoly than at this Nerdcore hip-hop
I won at Tongiaki, Uno, and Settlers of Catan
Hand me a twenty sided die and I'll show you who is the man