Fanboy

If I ran a game store I would play Fanboy by the great Luke Ski.

My first encounter with Luke Ski was at Gen Con So Cal 2004. He was so good on stage there that I bought many of his CDs that night. Fanboy is one of the standout songs that I remember listening to on the ride home. It's a parody of Kid Rock's Cowboy. Luke Ski sings it like an anthem to fandom. It's a loud, fast hick-hop song, with a sound that really matches the breathless passion fans can achieve. It is a pop culture omnium-gatherum of lyrics. Luke Ski tosses in references to all major geek fandoms at the time – that time being 2002. Surprisingly, even over a decade later, the references really hold up for big time geeks. Star Trek, Star Wars, Futurama, Pokémon, Doctor Who, Sailor Moon, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show are all still part of the collective geek mind as I write this in 2014. Even those that aren't still dynamic properties, they were such tent poles that the older set will still catch all the references.

Fanboy is from the great Luke Ski's 2002 album, Uber Geek. There's also a revised version, titled Fanboy (2010 Edition). The music is updated in this version, but the lyrics stayed the same. I much prefer the older version of the song and if I ran a game store I would play the 2002 version of the song.

Fanboy on Bandcamp



Fanboy lyrics

Well I'm-a packin' up my swag and I'm-a head outside
Where real women call me "dork", then gag and go hide
Take a ride to Toys 'R Us, bust on in
Buy a Mace Windu and a Qui-Gon Jinn
Yeah I'm a kid at heart just like Anakin
A loony bin I am in with kin Harley Quinn
Get a pin with a motto sayin' "Xena For Prez"
Then spend my pay on dispensers of Pez
Go hang out at the cons, Renaissance Fests
Watch anime chicks with inflatable breasts
You Might Be A Trekkie? Heh, sit back and watch
As the Uber Geek goes and kicks it up a notch
Turn to the letter "F" in your dictionary
And add this word to your vocabulary
Take a look 'cause I'm the real McCoy
Dammit Jim, I'm not a doctor, I'm just the definition of a

Fanboy, baby
I'm in nerd overdrive, I will always survive
Fanboy, baby
Feel so alive watching Babylon 5
Was born to be a fanboy, baby
Makin' best friends with a robot Bender
Fanboy, baby
I never give up and I never surrender
The truth is out there? Heh, Scully, you can't handle the truth

I got this funny little gadget, when I open my fridge it goes
(Star Trek whistle) Like Kirk's on the bridge
Qapla', pong Qo' 'oH chegh, qagh , petaQ *
Bill Gates was cool but now he just sucks
Play Doom and Quake on Microsoft
Get a map to the Tomb, find Lara Croft
And if the pixel's right then I'm-a raid 'er mmm-hoy!
And let Sony Play 2-K know why they call me a

Fanboy, baby
Spend my time wantin' Seven of Nine
Fanboy, baby
Won't stop 'til all the Pokémon are mine
Was born to be a fanboy, baby
Oh, so what do you think, you know the force better than I do?
A Star Wars freak, yeah, you won't find an odder one
I'm a Jedi master and you are merely just a

Pad-it-awan, you're dumb just like Jar Jar Binks
A Jawa said “Utini” so go suck a Wookie
Pad-it-awan, you're dumb just like Jar Jar Binks
A Jawa said “Utini” so go suck a Wookie
Pad-it-awan, you're dumb just like, Jar Jar Binks
A Jawa said “Utini” so go suck a Wookie

Yeah, Kid Spock, quotin' all the Treks
Got a mind more powerful than Professor X
Drink a case of Jolt Cola down like mother's milk
And sing a song that makes you say "What in the filk?"
Patrol, stake vampires, just like Buffy
Roll the dice, win the fights, with the Knights Who Say "Ni"
M.S.T. three-thousand up until midnight
Then I paint my lips red for "Sweet Transvestite." Uh
King doofus, spaz, like Jerry Lewis.
My comic book collection's wider than the Suez
Fun like Sailor Moon is, suave like Dr. Who is
I like They Might Be Giants and Moxy Früvous
R.P.G. and D&D
Kevin Smith's makin' a film about me
I ain't no jock, I'm just a regular jerk, all-
American zero, the ultimate Urkel
Girls would ignore me and give me no credit but now I
Tell 'em all to suck my radio edit
And when I die at the hour eleven
I'll shout to my father in heaven, twenty-seven, I'm a

Fanboy
I'm in nerd overdrive, I will always survive
Fanboy
Feel so alive, watching Babylon 5
Fanboy
Spend my time wantin' Seven of Nine
Fanboy
Won't stop 'til all the Pokémon are mine
Fanboy
Makin’ best friends with a robot, Bender
Fanboy
I never give up and I never surrender
Fanboy
Watchin' Deep Space Nine and heh heh

* Klingon for "Success, don't call it a comeback, serpent worms, epithet". Serpent worms are a Klingon delicacy. The epithet roughly translates into "bastard" or "asshole", but I like to imagine "bitches" as sworn by Jesse Pinkman.